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@ The Brutal Times

• Hold the Lettuce: Afghan War Spoilers!
  By Styles Cradgerock, YOUR MOMMA - Yes, thundercat! Weekend war watchers all over the world (Florida?) are pee-oh'd this morning to find that WikiLeaks has leaked a whole slewload of spoilers aspoiling how the bumpin' Afghan intervention is gonna end […]
  Styles Cradgerock
• Millions Misspell ‘Flotilla’ as ‘Tortilla’ When Sexting
  By Daemon Mailer, THE INTERNET - Millions have manned up this morning to misspelling "flotilla", a lay term meaning "floating tortilla", as "tortilla", a land-bound Mexican delicacy served at Taco Bell. The misspellings occured mainly during sexting. […]
  Daemon Mailer
• General Urko Enraged as Obama Picks Petraeus
  By Barry Hussein, WASHINGTON - Fearsome warlord General Urko is said to be "quaking with venomous rage" at U.S. president, the American Barack Obama's choice to pass him over for the plumb position of new commander of U.S. forces in the Afghan humanitarian intervention […]
  Barry Husein
• My Pony Tail is Killing Me
  By Zack Peters, Special To The Brutal Times - As a long-haired white man I face a lot of discrimination, both in the workplace and from folks on the bus and in my own home. […]
  admin
• Anarchy Condos Under Seige in Toronto
  By Smia Oots, THE HOLY CITY OF TORONTO - Anarchists dressed in eye-numbing colored jumpsuits, bathing trunks and business attire hurled themselves against each other and their own underground condo, Toronto's fashionable Queen's Quay residence, The Anarchy Condos At No Fixed Address […]
  Smia Oots
• Jan Brewer is Dehydrated
  By Styles Cradegerock, WASHINGTON - U.S. President, the American Barack Obama, sat down with Arizona Governor Jan Brewer recently and noticed alarming signs of dyhydration in her face. "Evian?" he quipped. "She needs to stay out of the sun, get a big floppy hat and moisturize, moisturize, moisturize," he went on. Obama said he understood […]
  Styles Cradgerock
• Yale University Job Interview Spoilers
  By Business Jesus, SUMMER - Yes, summer's here and the time is right for humpin' and thumpin' on a Friday nite. But what about that job thingy? That one you was supposed to get, you know, to keep up your membership in the Skull & Bones social club, and so on? Well think no more, young Yalie! […]
  admin
• North Korea Accused of Snubbing South at Trendy Cafe
  By Styles Cradgerock, SEOUL – People’ve got a tear in their beer over here as former buddies North and South Korea have ceased speaking, emailing , or chatting online. Oh no. Hot sweaty tensions were ratched up and ramped up Tuesday when the North, wearing only a thong and a backpack, pretended not to know the South, when they passed […]
  admin
• My Sister’s Too Pushy
  Special to the Brutal Times, By Pam Haley - My sister's too pushy. Boy, when she wants something, she's the first one to tell ya. Like the other day, she calls me up on my mobular telephone and without even asking me how my day's going or asking me about my probs, she's asking if I can come over and feed her kid and talk to her husband ab […]
  admin
• Japanese Man Uses Hairdryer To Dry His Balls
  By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO - Recently more and more I work to rid my body of flabs and to become macho for the summertime. Day after day night after day I slide myself to the pricey gym where I don tights and perch upon a stationary bicyclette. The sweat gushes from every pore squirting on everything. After 'cising I got to get my shower on. After that one i […]
  Ohashi Jozu